#SoSenior
Catherine Jacobson - October 29th, 2016
“What are your plans after graduation?”
The dreaded question that you should never ask an undergraduate senior, especially before May. Like do you really expect me to know what I want to do with my life this early? I have seven months to figure that shit out. Here’s the thing though. Employers actually start hiring for May as early as October. Graduate school applications have deadlines as early as November 1st. They all try to get you when you don’t know what you want in life. They try to get you when you’re at your most vulnerable. Your most desperate.
Everything is up in the air. No one knows what they are doing, but everyone is trying to do everything they can to figure it out. That is why when my friend asked me if I wanted to go to the Government and Nonprofit Career Fair with her, I shrugged and thought, why not?
We had never picked a set time to leave, so when I got dropped off at 7:30am by some frat boys who were at a party with me the night before, I went back to sleep and set my alarm for 9:30am. Luckily, I woke up at 9:15am to see a text from my friend saying she was going to pick me up at 10:00am.
Oh no. I have 45 minutes to shower and brush my teeth. Pick out what I am going to wear. Something that makes me look good, but nothing too revealing. Which is very often a struggle for me, and probably for all women. Put on some makeup so it looks like I tried, but not too much that it looks like I tried too hard. I need to find a not-ripped folder to put my resumes in. Thank God I printed them the day before. I also need to pack for the weekend because I am going to my parents place right after the fair for fall break.
Maybe I shouldn’t shower. I don’t have a hair dryer because I always let it air dry and it is super unprofessional to show up with wet hair. Although, it’s more unprofessional to show up smelling like booze and weed from the night before. Alright quick shower it is. Luckily there is no spider I have to slay this time. My drain is still clogged from my hair, but that’s a problem for later.
Heels or flats? Heels or flats?
Heels. Wait no, flats. Definitely flats.
I didn’t shave, so obviously pants. With this H&M blazer that looks passable, and a sleeveless blue blouse. I put on some mascara and top eyeliner, no face today though. Do not forget deodorant. As I am trying to pack for the weekend I realize that my laundry is way past overdue. Nothing new there.
My friend snapchats me with a picture of her in a mirror and asks what I am wearing. I quickly kneel on the ground to get a picture of my outfit for her. I have been too lazy to command strip my mirror to the wall. I click send and immediately realize I sent it to my ex instead. Shit. How the fuck did that even happen? I retake the picture, get a better one this time, and send it to my friend, as a I send another to the ex saying how that was not for him.
I finish packing grab everything and head down stairs as my friend replies with a “be there ASAP” snap. I set everything down on one of our six hammie-down couches and run back upstairs to my room. I grab my towel and dab my hair a few more times to try and soak the water out of it. I spray myself with a bottle of perfume I’ve had since high school and run back down stairs. We have a full body mirror on the wall down there, so as I wait I am making super hero poses to myself in my professional clothing.
My ex responded. I cannot deal with this right now.
“You look so professional and beautiful. Good luck today I know you’ll do great as always! :)”
Fuck Off.
I get into my friend’s car. She is wearing a completely different outfit than she snapped me of. She admits that she doesn’t exactly know where we are going and that she is really nervous. Thank God I am not the only one who doesn’t have their shit together. We circle around the University of Minnesota’s campus before we find a parking ramp. This huge campus is already intimidating us.
We walk up to the private school check-in and there is the career counselor I had met with yesterday to talk about my statement of purpose for grad school. We had a great session. She was basically being ⅓ a career counselor, ⅓ a therapist, and ⅓ a mother to me. My friend and I didn’t know how to put on our nametags with our professional cloths, so the counselor literally showed us we could turn the clip to make it work better. Yes this screams hire me.
She touched my hair. She knows it’s wet. She is definitely judging me.
We walk into this huge light grey room with tables all around in no seemingly ordered fashion. Quickly, we scatter to a coroner to look at the program just given to us. What places do we want to hit? I marked MNsure, Planned Parenthood, MN Department of Human Services, U.S. Department of Health, and Peace Corps.
I am judging hard core. I scan the room and see almost all white faces. There are some girls with caked on makeup and skirts so short I swear I can see their Victoria’s Secret thong. There are boys who have a full suite on, but are wearing tennis shoes or have a drawstring bag on their back. The students from St. Thomas have a purple ribbon on their nametag that says “#HireThommies”. There are bowls of candy on almost every employer's table, but they are the only ones I see eating it.
My friend and I tackle our first table. It’s some nonprofit about working with kids, which is what she wants to do. I practice my elevator speech, which I have only rehearsed in my head. We go around scooping out tables and talking to employers about agencies and organizations we don’t know anything about.
I found myself being very picky. How am I supposed to convince someone to want to hire me if I am not even convinced I want to work for them? I need to remember that I am the desperate one, not them. How do I nonchalantly talk about my awesome internship in DC last summer. How do I get them to take my resume? Do I just ask if they want it? Damn, I should have gone to that prep session.
The guy at MNsure is a Hamline alumni. He said that they love hiring recent graduates. His closing statement was “Go Pipers!” with an appropriate fist pump. Planned Parenthood easily stood out. They had birth control and bumper stickers out on their table. The rep there was super friendly and knowledgeable about the organization. She even convinced me to want to apply for an internship there for the spring semester.
However, in the middle of our conversation, literally mid sentence, this white boy comes up and introduces himself to her and reaches out for a handshake. He physically cut in front of me to do this! My jaw literally dropped. The rep awkwardly shook his hand and then said he had to wait a minute. He then turned around and looked down on me as I glared at him. His body pivoted and turned away. At that, I chuckled a little before continuing my conversation.
Did he actually think Planned Parenthood was the place to express his white male privilege? To that I say, boy bye.
It gradually got warmer and warming in that, what used to seem, large room. It got claustrophobic. I thought about how I should have worn a blouse with sleeves so I could take off the blazer. My friend wore heels, she realized that was the wrong choice. Halfway through I got a Facebook message from the guy I hooked up with two nights prior. He’s cool, but I was not about to have that conversation here. I tried talking to a few other students there while waiting in line. Some were friendly, others not so much. I mean I guess it’s called a job hunt for something.
I’d like to think that everyone in that room had the same hectic morning as I did. That no one there really does know what they are looking for or what they are doing. The tennis shoes, short skirts, and interruptions gave me a sense that there are at least some who may have it worse than me. It is a job hunt, but we’re all in the life search together.
The dreaded question that you should never ask an undergraduate senior, especially before May. Like do you really expect me to know what I want to do with my life this early? I have seven months to figure that shit out. Here’s the thing though. Employers actually start hiring for May as early as October. Graduate school applications have deadlines as early as November 1st. They all try to get you when you don’t know what you want in life. They try to get you when you’re at your most vulnerable. Your most desperate.
Everything is up in the air. No one knows what they are doing, but everyone is trying to do everything they can to figure it out. That is why when my friend asked me if I wanted to go to the Government and Nonprofit Career Fair with her, I shrugged and thought, why not?
We had never picked a set time to leave, so when I got dropped off at 7:30am by some frat boys who were at a party with me the night before, I went back to sleep and set my alarm for 9:30am. Luckily, I woke up at 9:15am to see a text from my friend saying she was going to pick me up at 10:00am.
Oh no. I have 45 minutes to shower and brush my teeth. Pick out what I am going to wear. Something that makes me look good, but nothing too revealing. Which is very often a struggle for me, and probably for all women. Put on some makeup so it looks like I tried, but not too much that it looks like I tried too hard. I need to find a not-ripped folder to put my resumes in. Thank God I printed them the day before. I also need to pack for the weekend because I am going to my parents place right after the fair for fall break.
Maybe I shouldn’t shower. I don’t have a hair dryer because I always let it air dry and it is super unprofessional to show up with wet hair. Although, it’s more unprofessional to show up smelling like booze and weed from the night before. Alright quick shower it is. Luckily there is no spider I have to slay this time. My drain is still clogged from my hair, but that’s a problem for later.
Heels or flats? Heels or flats?
Heels. Wait no, flats. Definitely flats.
I didn’t shave, so obviously pants. With this H&M blazer that looks passable, and a sleeveless blue blouse. I put on some mascara and top eyeliner, no face today though. Do not forget deodorant. As I am trying to pack for the weekend I realize that my laundry is way past overdue. Nothing new there.
My friend snapchats me with a picture of her in a mirror and asks what I am wearing. I quickly kneel on the ground to get a picture of my outfit for her. I have been too lazy to command strip my mirror to the wall. I click send and immediately realize I sent it to my ex instead. Shit. How the fuck did that even happen? I retake the picture, get a better one this time, and send it to my friend, as a I send another to the ex saying how that was not for him.
I finish packing grab everything and head down stairs as my friend replies with a “be there ASAP” snap. I set everything down on one of our six hammie-down couches and run back upstairs to my room. I grab my towel and dab my hair a few more times to try and soak the water out of it. I spray myself with a bottle of perfume I’ve had since high school and run back down stairs. We have a full body mirror on the wall down there, so as I wait I am making super hero poses to myself in my professional clothing.
My ex responded. I cannot deal with this right now.
“You look so professional and beautiful. Good luck today I know you’ll do great as always! :)”
Fuck Off.
I get into my friend’s car. She is wearing a completely different outfit than she snapped me of. She admits that she doesn’t exactly know where we are going and that she is really nervous. Thank God I am not the only one who doesn’t have their shit together. We circle around the University of Minnesota’s campus before we find a parking ramp. This huge campus is already intimidating us.
We walk up to the private school check-in and there is the career counselor I had met with yesterday to talk about my statement of purpose for grad school. We had a great session. She was basically being ⅓ a career counselor, ⅓ a therapist, and ⅓ a mother to me. My friend and I didn’t know how to put on our nametags with our professional cloths, so the counselor literally showed us we could turn the clip to make it work better. Yes this screams hire me.
She touched my hair. She knows it’s wet. She is definitely judging me.
We walk into this huge light grey room with tables all around in no seemingly ordered fashion. Quickly, we scatter to a coroner to look at the program just given to us. What places do we want to hit? I marked MNsure, Planned Parenthood, MN Department of Human Services, U.S. Department of Health, and Peace Corps.
I am judging hard core. I scan the room and see almost all white faces. There are some girls with caked on makeup and skirts so short I swear I can see their Victoria’s Secret thong. There are boys who have a full suite on, but are wearing tennis shoes or have a drawstring bag on their back. The students from St. Thomas have a purple ribbon on their nametag that says “#HireThommies”. There are bowls of candy on almost every employer's table, but they are the only ones I see eating it.
My friend and I tackle our first table. It’s some nonprofit about working with kids, which is what she wants to do. I practice my elevator speech, which I have only rehearsed in my head. We go around scooping out tables and talking to employers about agencies and organizations we don’t know anything about.
I found myself being very picky. How am I supposed to convince someone to want to hire me if I am not even convinced I want to work for them? I need to remember that I am the desperate one, not them. How do I nonchalantly talk about my awesome internship in DC last summer. How do I get them to take my resume? Do I just ask if they want it? Damn, I should have gone to that prep session.
The guy at MNsure is a Hamline alumni. He said that they love hiring recent graduates. His closing statement was “Go Pipers!” with an appropriate fist pump. Planned Parenthood easily stood out. They had birth control and bumper stickers out on their table. The rep there was super friendly and knowledgeable about the organization. She even convinced me to want to apply for an internship there for the spring semester.
However, in the middle of our conversation, literally mid sentence, this white boy comes up and introduces himself to her and reaches out for a handshake. He physically cut in front of me to do this! My jaw literally dropped. The rep awkwardly shook his hand and then said he had to wait a minute. He then turned around and looked down on me as I glared at him. His body pivoted and turned away. At that, I chuckled a little before continuing my conversation.
Did he actually think Planned Parenthood was the place to express his white male privilege? To that I say, boy bye.
It gradually got warmer and warming in that, what used to seem, large room. It got claustrophobic. I thought about how I should have worn a blouse with sleeves so I could take off the blazer. My friend wore heels, she realized that was the wrong choice. Halfway through I got a Facebook message from the guy I hooked up with two nights prior. He’s cool, but I was not about to have that conversation here. I tried talking to a few other students there while waiting in line. Some were friendly, others not so much. I mean I guess it’s called a job hunt for something.
I’d like to think that everyone in that room had the same hectic morning as I did. That no one there really does know what they are looking for or what they are doing. The tennis shoes, short skirts, and interruptions gave me a sense that there are at least some who may have it worse than me. It is a job hunt, but we’re all in the life search together.