Creed
Catherine Jacobson - September 13th, 2016
I believe good things come in threes, and right is always right.
I believe in horoscopes, and I now believe in hypnotism
I believe being short is a tall advantage
Except that I believe it causes my low blood sugar
I believe in ghosts and demons, but I don’t believe in God
However, I do believe Funyons are God’s gift to intoxicated 20-something-year-olds
I believe the GRE is a stupid-ass test
And I believe college should be free
I believe that health is a human right and should be treated that way
I believe that “albino” is a derogative term,
Which is why I believe in person-first language
I believe polar bears are the greatest animal on this Earth,
But I also believe in global warming
I believe handwriting is utterly better than typing
I believe consent is sexy, and mandatory
I believe cooking takes too much time
And I believe wine is always better than beer
I believe in having no regrets, except maybe a few ex-boyfriends
I believe Tinder is not the place I will find my future husband
I believe boys who know how to use chopsticks are manipulative by nature
I believe getting drunk, going to a club on a night that’s discounted for girls, and dancing your ass off, is a pretty damn good temporary fix to a heartache.
I believe you should work out because you love your body, not because you hate it
I believe traveling isn’t enough, you have to live in a location to truly grasp it
I believe in just picking up the phone and calling
I believe dad jokes are the best jokes, especially my dad’s jokes
I believe I am allergic to cats in my right eye
I believe eyes are not required to see the good things in life
I believe the right way to ride a skateboard is goofy
I believe a lake in Minnesota is a better place than Washington DC to celebrate Independance Day
I believe Twizzlers and Pringles go together perfectly
I believe fruit punch jolly ranchers are infinitely better than fruit punch
I believe Pokemon Go is hiding Pikachu from me
And I believe Donald Trump should never be president
I believe in horoscopes, and I now believe in hypnotism
I believe being short is a tall advantage
Except that I believe it causes my low blood sugar
I believe in ghosts and demons, but I don’t believe in God
However, I do believe Funyons are God’s gift to intoxicated 20-something-year-olds
I believe the GRE is a stupid-ass test
And I believe college should be free
I believe that health is a human right and should be treated that way
I believe that “albino” is a derogative term,
Which is why I believe in person-first language
I believe polar bears are the greatest animal on this Earth,
But I also believe in global warming
I believe handwriting is utterly better than typing
I believe consent is sexy, and mandatory
I believe cooking takes too much time
And I believe wine is always better than beer
I believe in having no regrets, except maybe a few ex-boyfriends
I believe Tinder is not the place I will find my future husband
I believe boys who know how to use chopsticks are manipulative by nature
I believe getting drunk, going to a club on a night that’s discounted for girls, and dancing your ass off, is a pretty damn good temporary fix to a heartache.
I believe you should work out because you love your body, not because you hate it
I believe traveling isn’t enough, you have to live in a location to truly grasp it
I believe in just picking up the phone and calling
I believe dad jokes are the best jokes, especially my dad’s jokes
I believe I am allergic to cats in my right eye
I believe eyes are not required to see the good things in life
I believe the right way to ride a skateboard is goofy
I believe a lake in Minnesota is a better place than Washington DC to celebrate Independance Day
I believe Twizzlers and Pringles go together perfectly
I believe fruit punch jolly ranchers are infinitely better than fruit punch
I believe Pokemon Go is hiding Pikachu from me
And I believe Donald Trump should never be president